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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26305087">Prioritise the heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beezarre/pseuds/Beezarre'>Beezarre</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Holby City</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(with canon ending at Primum non nocere), Berena tbc, F/F, Idiots in Love, Post-Canon Fix-It</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,366</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26305087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beezarre/pseuds/Beezarre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After her promise of eternity Bernie finds she isn’t that patient after all. Her coming back is step one of figuring out what their priorities are, what future they’re building for themselves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>to be continued... (Berena Summer Sequel Event)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Prioritise the heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is part of the To Be Continued event (thanks to BatandBreakfast and Ktlsyrtis for putting it together!) It takes place after “Primum Non Nocere”. It’s a patchwork of a theme I’ve wanted to write about for a while and some of the surprisingly fruitful writing sprints that kept dancing around it.</p>
<p>This is not what I originally meant for my TBC fic to be, hopefully I’ll manage to get the ‘original’ fluffier one published some time soon, but as a result will have to temporarily orphan some of the extracts I sent for the WIPs posts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bernie woke up to fingers softly playing with her hair. Smiling, leaning into the touch, she opened her eyes slowly, getting used to the low light of the bedside table lamps they hadn’t turned off.</p>
<p>“Can’t sleep?” She knew she probably barely sounded human, Serena having compared her sleepy voice to that of a very contented puppy before.</p>
<p>"Just taking advantage of having you here while it lasts." There was no bitterness in Serena's word, only a hint of longing. She was missing her already, before she was even gone. Bernie knew the feeling, the ache that came with long distance relationships.</p>
<p>“I miss you.” It was a silly thing to say, really. Silly to even say it out loud, but as Serena’s fingers wandered away from her hair and onto her skin, tracing patterns there, committing every detail to memory, Bernie felt the need to say it, let her know that it was how she felt too. That while she was ready to wait, wait as long as it took, it wouldn’t be easy. Then again, when had they done easy? Bernie sighed, leaning into Serena a little further, making her chuckle.</p>
<p>“We’ll make it work.” Serena believed in it, now. It had taken Jason, Fleur and Donna, but her doubts had, mostly, been nipped in the bud.</p>
<p>“Yes we will.” Bernie turned her head to kiss the closest available patch of skin, the soft curve of Serena’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Turning over, getting tangled in the sheets in the process, she placed another kiss on the same spot and started an exploration of her own.</p>
<p>One inch, one curve, one shiver at a time, she mapped Serena’s body again, as she had many times before, as she had every intention of doing again and again until her fingertips could trace it from memory, until Serena’s body was a sculpture coming to life anywhere she pleased, until the curves she called home could travel with her as safely as the trinkets she’d been keeping close, the ones that made her heart ache and her soul sing, the pictures of her kids and the souvenirs from France, the memories scattered along the way.</p>
<p>She felt Serena shift and smiled, smile turning into a grin when Serena mock pouted.</p>
<p>“Tickling you, am I?”</p>
<p>Serena’s pout turned into a glare of sorts, one that didn’t last, melting into the face of cuteness.</p>
<p>“Two can play that game, you know!” She pounced before Bernie could leap away, earning a yelp that made her laugh. That was part of what Bernie loved about them, about their dynamic. They loved, laughed, and cried as fiercely as they lived, surviving and striving.</p>
<p>Somehow they ended up tangled too, resting against each other, on the edge of sleep. They would fall soon enough, but for now they were content to relish in the feeling that the other was there. They didn’t know how long it’d be until next time, knew life was too short to waste a moment like this.</p>
<p>As Serena drifted to sleep, Bernie captured the thought dancing on the edge of her consciousness, one that had been nagging at her for a while now. She needed to come home. As amazing as what she’d built was, as promising as it could be, long term wasn’t looking that good. This, England at least, was where they ought to be, close to family, or at least close enough to be their anchor as far as her kids went, surrounded by friends that had very much become one too. The last few years had given her food for thoughts, altered her priorities. Now she wanted to prioritise the heart, the future, bask in the love she was still not quite sure she deserved but couldn’t go without.</p>
<p>♥</p>
<p>It had been a week. A week since Bernie had left, and although her stay had only lasted hours it felt like she was everywhere still, like some sort of holy ghost. She was in the closet, again, in the little details there, folded slightly differently than Serena's things were. She was in the kitchen, the way she stored the mugs, that old, annoying habit she had of stacking them. She was in the living room, in the music she'd picked, the tv remote gone missing, probably between the couch cushions. </p>
<p>Serena hadn't bothered looking for it, hadn't had the time or felt the need for the noisy company it sometimes provided to help her cope. It was funny how someone could fill her life, just like that, be there, be gone, yet never completely away. If anything it helped, as if it somehow filled some of the gap she'd left.</p>
<p>Pouring herself her first glass of wine for the evening, she doubted it would be her last, she sighed, looking into the distance, a smile growing on her lips as she remembered the days, and nights, spent with her, the little moments, the smiles, the laughter, the gentle touches turned heated. Hand reaching for her pendant, Serena wondered. What was she doing? Was she still working, or at home, sorting her boxes like she'd promised.</p>
<p>The fact that she still hadn't unpacked had made Serena hope, somehow. A maybe, a strong maybe. Her own promise to join her, asking her to wait, had still made her look over her shoulder, metaphorically at least. To her nephew, her grand niece, all the people she'd be leaving behind. Sighing again, she looked at her phone, hoping she might hear from her early. Bernie had promised she'd try and find a way to help, fix her internet, locate the post office nearest to her flat, as opposed to the 2 mile one way trip she'd try and do from work, being often greeted by a door that had closed only a few minutes previously.</p>
<p>Serena jumped when she heard the doorbell. She wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe Jason had come by without letting her know first? It wasn't like him, but his daughter's birth had impacted his habits quite a lot, Greta's more practical approach helping the both of them cope with the new life, trying to adapt past the questions they'd already found answers to. She was proud of them, of the way they'd grown together, the new independence they'd created for themselves.</p>
<p>Getting up, leaving her glass behind, she made her way to the door, opening it softly, mind still going through the people who might have decided to pay her a visit, having met most of them through the day already.</p>
<p>As soon as the door was open large enough to distinguish the figure standing in front of it her heart stopped.</p>
<p>"Bernie?" She couldn't help the smile growing on her face, contagious, wiping off the somewhat hesitant one that had been complementing the twinkling eyes Serena loved so much. "How?" It wasn't a reproach, far from it. Serena started wondering what had gone wrong, what... Her thought process ground to a halt as she noticed the suitcases, far more voluminous than the ones Bernie had taken with her for her trip the previous week.</p>
<p>Bernie inched closer and Serena bridged the gap between them, throwing her arms around her neck, somehow needing to remind herself of how soft the Wolfe mane was, how she would happily spend hours tangling her fingers in it.</p>
<p>"I missed you." Serena's voice had been a mere whisper, something that wasn't necessarily meant to be heard. Bernie had only been gone a week. She wasn't sure, now, how she could possibly have survived the months ahead, apart.</p>
<p>"I missed you too." Bernie took a deep breath, chest heaving against Serena's as she pressed closer. "Turns out I'm not as patient as I thought."</p>
<p>Serena pulled back, her eyes trying to read her partner's face. She hadn't asked her to leave Holby behind, choosing to leave herself. Why? It was everything she wanted, wasn't it? Serena knew she must have looked worried, felt Bernie leave a kiss on her forehead.</p>
<p>"As nice an opportunity as it was, it wouldn't have worked long term." Serena wondered how long Bernie had known, how long she'd been thinking about this.</p>
<p>"What about the opening?"</p>
<p>"As proud as I am of the work I've done there, it's only fair that the person front and center would be the one heading it, all the more so a Kenyan." There was a hint of something, maybe regret, in her voice, but her eyes spoke of how much it mattered to her, how she'd made her peace with it. "I might fly back, just for the opening, I don't know. I'll see if they still want me there."</p>
<p>"You built the place!"</p>
<p>"Helped build it. My name will be on the papers, there might even be a plaque from what I've been told. It's ready, really, only a few details left to work out, and a whole lot of paperwork."</p>
<p>Serena laughed.</p>
<p>"That was the selling point? Escaping paperwork?"</p>
<p>"Only a nice bonus." Bernie grinned, her forehead now resting against Serena's. "This, this is what I want, what I need. You. It's funny, really. I've been running my whole life, running away. You made me run to you, over and over. I don't know how much more of a sign I could possibly need."</p>
<p>"Does that mean no more lycra?" Serena's mock pout made Bernie laugh.</p>
<p>"No, as long as you remember what my goal really is."</p>
<p>"Looking bloody good while deserting our bed?"</p>
<p>"I was thinking more along the lines of staying fit enough to keep up with you."</p>
<p>"Keep up with me?" Serena's eyebrow rose and Bernie's smile turned into a half grin.</p>
<p>"You are insatiable." Serena laughed this time, feeling the ease they'd had almost from the beginning ebb through her. She took Bernie's hand to guide her inside, heart missing a beat when she immediately let go.</p>
<p>"Unless you fancy dragging one of those cases inside, I'll have to deprive you of my fingers for a while longer." There was nothing but softness in her eyes. Serena relaxed, feeling like there was still something standing between them. </p>
<p>There were still things to be discussed. More Hows and more Whys. But they would get through it. They could always put together a bullet list, and tear it apart to fit Bernie's thinking process. Or vice versa. She needed to learn to meet halfway, something Bernie had started doing, little by little. Through their months apart, they had tried to find ways to make it work. It would be easier being together, the only barrier Bernie's questionable communication skills born out of years of repressed emotions. They’d work on that, allow themselves to prioritise the heart over the mind, letting themselves be loved, a balm over all of their wounds.</p>
<p>♥</p>
<p>Bernie hadn't eaten, and Serena's dinner prospects weren't particularly appealing. Ordering from one of the places Serena had discovered since she'd been back in Holby, they'd talked, mostly about how handy it had come that Bernie hadn't unpacked her things properly, how surprisingly fast she'd managed to put the rest in order, having that one goal: going home, the one her heart still belonged in. </p>
<p>She'd shared stories about her flight, about the people she'd spotted at the airport, the loud businessman who hadn't managed to upgrade to first class stuck between a crying baby and an elderly woman with hearing loss. It was comfortable, like old times, like nothing had changed. Like they hadn't changed, like the grief and the hardships they'd been through had faded into the background, something to speak about on another day. </p>
<p>They'd drunk from the same glass, battling for it on occasion yet never refilling it. Instead they'd decided on an early night, a silent agreement that had seen them head upstairs shoulder to shoulder. Bernie had admitted, minutes before, to being exhausted. Yet that had dissolved, familiar movements and oft mapped skin the only thing on their minds. They'd fallen asleep in each other's arms, not entirely comfortable yet needing that connection, needing the feeling of the other's skin on theirs as a good morning they suspected they'd never get tired of. </p>
<p>♥</p>
<p>They had another morning. And so many more ahead of them. The blinds weren't full close, light filtering through as the sun rose, a ray of sun playing with Bernie's hair, the skin that had only barely tanned. Nothing in comparison to her Kiev escapade. One more thing she didn't want to think about, although it was something they'd talked about already, cleared the air.</p>
<p>Now they had to face the new day. Serena had work to go to, having woken up half an hour before she needed to get up, content with contemplating the woman beside her.</p>
<p>"'orning." Bernie was clearly not entirely awake, if at all. Nuzzling Serena's neck she tried to escape the light now trying to catch her eye. Serena laughed softly.</p>
<p>"Morning."</p>
<p>"Is it?"</p>
<p>"What happened to my favourite early riser?" Serena teased gently.</p>
<p>"She's got a beautiful woman in her arms, and a comfortable bed."</p>
<p>"So that's it then, the ultimate reason for you coming back?"</p>
<p>"Another nice bonus." Bernie's soft puppy smile made Serena melt. How could a woman their age be this infuriatingly cute?</p>
<p>"Five more minutes." That was Serena's first, and last, warning.</p>
<p>"Mmh." Bernie's hands held her a little more possessively and Serena let herself sink into the feeling. She was there. There to stay. What more could she ask for? Maybe coffee. She'd need it to make it through the day knowing she had Bernie to come home to. Bernie would probably need some as well. Between the jet lag and her usual pre-coffee morning mood, it might even have been a good idea to extricate herself from her grasp.</p>
<p>"Coffee?" Serena was surprised when she felt more than saw Bernie shake her head.</p>
<p>"In a bit." Serena smiled fondly. Priorities...</p>
<p>♥</p>
<p>Serena wondered whether she'd ever stop being overwhelmed by the kind of scene unfolding in front of her her. Sat on the couch in a way a couch isn't supposed to be sat on Bernie was talking softly to little Guinevere who watched her with rapt attention. The two got on amazingly well, something Serena was almost jealous of. The moment Bernie spotted her, she tilted her head to invite her to join them.</p>
<p>"Is it me or is she getting cuter by the minute?" Bernie's mostly rethorical question was addressed to no one in particular.</p>
<p>"She's got a pretty good role model in that department." Serena's reply made Bernie look up, moving so Serena could find a comfortable way to sit that didn't involve acrobatics.</p>
<p>"I'm not that cute!" Bernie's unusual answer made Serena arch an eyebrow. "OK, maybe a little bit." Bernie's surrender was made even cuter by Guinevere's attempt at playing with her hair. She liked it as much as her great aunt, but tended to have a firmer approach. "Ow!"</p>
<p>Serena picked the little girl up, Guinevere gurgling happily. She enjoyed those moments even more than she'd imagined. Sharing them with Bernie made them even sweeter. Family, that was what they were, the lot of them. After Bernie had come back, both new parents and Bernie's kids had come round for dinner. There was a reserve of sorts, a distance that had slowly dissipated. They weren't quite there yet, but it was a start. The great aunties' babysitting privilege had been extended over time. With Bernie back at work, the hospital welcoming her home too, the time they had was limited but they knew how, and what, to prioritise. Prioritise the heart also meant the family they'd built.</p>
<p>♥</p>
<p>When Serena started spring cleaning, she was methodical about it. All in all rather few of Bernie's things were really there, in what they both somehow considered to be Serena's house and home. A lot of it was in storage, although Serena had no idea just how much that was. Still, the spring cleaning was overdue, and it would give Bernie a chance to claim some shelves throughout the house as hers, give them a chance to rearrange the family pictures.</p>
<p>Bernie proved to be both messy, something Serena had known for some time, having not entirely recovered from the discovery of the office properly littered, and incredibly organised. Serena wasn't entirely sure how she managed to combine the two, suspecting that growing up with a father in the military and being retired from the army herself would have impacted her organisational skills. All in all, because most of the things they'd been going through were hers, Serena ended up doing the bulk of the sorting, Bernie shadowing her with all appropriate cleaning implements. </p>
<p>She hadn't realised just how infused her house was with memories, some she was ready to discard, others she clung to but no longer felt the need to keep in plain sight. She wondered why she hadn't done it earlier, knowing she hadn't been ready to face it all. Doing it alone would have been a harrowing task, too. What would have happened if she'd moved, gone, how long would it have taken to sort everything, how hard would the choices have been?</p>
<p>"That's one bin bag out of the way!" The collection was the next day, and Bernie had been, very shortly after her return, declared in charge of the bins. Serena couldn't even remember how that had happened, although she knew why Bernie had claimed the ironing. They did share, but apparently the army had taught her the most efficient way to iron pretty much anything the army would require, and it came in handy when a shirt turned out to be rumpled at the last minute. </p>
<p>Serena had been surprised how domestic Bernie could be, surprising her partner. She had been married 25 years, after all, and Marcus hadn't been entirely helpful. Or rather, he'd been doing things she'd soon learnt to redo. After a while it had become her own tasks. If you wanted it done properly, do it yourself, was what she'd lived by, teaching her kids what she considered to be life skills. Even as they were estranged, she knew they wouldn't live on pasta, frozen pizza, and takeaway.</p>
<p>"Coffee break?" Bernie's question made Serena realise she needed to at least slow down. She nodded. It was a lot to deal with at once, and even if they'd planned the whole weekend, she wasn't sure they'd managed to get it all done, and didn't fancy carrying on through the week.</p>
<p>She'd sat down on the couch, the part that wasn't covered in pile of books yet. Bernie came to join her, squeezing together in the same spot, trying not to disturb the towers of words they'd put together.</p>
<p>Coffee did help lift spirits, but now they both wondered whether they'd be able to get back into their rhythm. Still, it felt good to take some time, Bernie's head on her shoulder a silence support for Serena.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Bernie's soft voice made Serena relax even more.</p>
<p>"I might need something stronger than coffee if we keep going through the evening." Bernie let out a small chuckle.</p>
<p>"Might want to stick to herbal tea, can't have you seeing double, it would only be more discouraging." Serena rolled her eyes fondly.</p>
<p>"Do we even have herbal tea?"</p>
<p>"If that's the only issue I'm fairly sure we could get some before tonight." Bernie's cheekiness made Serena smile a little bit more. "There are a few things we wanted to get, actually, I have more than enough cleaning to keep myself occupied while you're gone, and that'll give you a break of sorts."</p>
<p>"Still not sure about the herbal tea."</p>
<p><br/>Looking around at the piles, each sporting bright coloured sticky notes, Bernie smiled. She knew how much this meant for Serena, knew it would make things easier for her, too. It was their space, theirs to arrange as they pleased, two well filled lives coming together. They’d have to prioritise what meant most to them. Prioritise the heart was ultimately about surrounding themselves with what mattered, the people, the memories, all packed into the place they called home.</p>
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